When Caring Hurts: Pain Awareness for Humans and Animals

September is Human & Animal Pain Awareness Month & that dual awareness feels fitting, as many of us who care for animals have silent struggles too

When Caring Hurts: Pain Awareness for Humans and Animals

September often brings a wave of posts about Animal Pain Awareness Month, and rightly so, our companions deserve recognition, love, and advocacy. But did you know it’s also Human Pain Awareness Month? That dual awareness feels fitting, because many of us who care for animals also carry silent struggles of our own.

Chronic pain, ongoing health conditions, and the invisible weight of ‘just getting on with it’ are more common than most people realise. Society has trained us not to complain, no-one wants to be seen as a ‘Moaning Minnie’ so we say nothing or don the ‘I’m fine’ mask, but silence doesn’t make the pain disappear. It simply pushes it further into the shadows, where it can quietly take a toll on every part of our lives; emotional, physical, social, and psychological.

And here’s the twist: as caregivers to animals, we’re brilliant at putting them first. Their needs, their comfort, their happiness. But when our own needs are pushed aside, the balance tips. Because caring for ourselves isn’t selfish, it’s essential. If we’re running on empty, our animals will feel it too.

Confession Time

I tell everyone else to make self-care a priority, but I wrestle with it myself. I even ask others what beliefs they hold about self-care, do they think it is selfish, or a waste of time, or do they practise it regularly? I’ve yet to find someone who answers yes to that last one!

So why do we struggle with self-care?

My thoughts are because:

We’re conditioned to put others first.
From childhood, many people are praised for being ‘good helpers’ or ‘self-less’. Over time, that turns into a belief that tending to our own needs is indulgent or even selfish.
We confuse self-care with self-indulgence.
Bubble baths and spa days often get marketed as ‘self-care', so we assume it has to be something big, expensive, or time-consuming. But in truth, self-care is often as small as pausing for breath, getting enough sleep, having a cup of tea, reading a book, drinking water, or allowing yourself ‘to take a beat’.
Invisible struggles are easy to dismiss.
With chronic pain, long-term conditions or emotional exhaustion, there’s no plaster cast on the arm or obvious sign around your neck. So, we (and others) downplay the toll it takes, until our bodies or minds shout loud enough that we must listen.
We feel guilty looking after ourselves or even resting.
This is especially for people who care for animals, children, or clients. Stopping feels like letting someone else down. The irony? Not resting means we will let them down in the long run, because we burn out.
It feels vulnerable.
Admitting we need care, even to ourselves can stir up feelings of weakness, failure, or not being ‘enough’. So, we armour up with busyness instead. I know I do this, volunteering to do things and taking on those ‘little’ jobs that actually turn into big jobs, just so each moment is full and I can put off self-care to another day. I put off writing this blog, because it felt too vulnerable and also if I put it out there, I might actually have to practice what I preach and find some time for myself!

But, my biggest motivation is my dogs.

Our companions are emotional mirrors. They often pick up on the energy we try so hard to hide. If we carry stress, pain, or exhaustion without tending to it, they can reflect it back in behaviour, anxiety, or even health struggles. The bond between us is that strong.

And my dogs? They showed me the truth I tried to hide. They forced me to take off the ‘I’m fine’ mask, though it hasn’t been easy.

When I became aware of mirroring it really scared me. I’d realised quite quickly into her life that my dog Dakota had rib pain, as she would flinch when you touched her ribs, even gently and was incredibly harness sensitive. But, what I didn’t realise was that she was reflecting my pain…. and then came the inevitable guilt…however, this was the wake-up call I needed to look after myself. I decided that it wasn’t just a priority, it was a necessity. Of course, I still felt like I was being selfish, but I got over that by telling myself I was doing it for her, to make her pain better. I retired from my busy job as a midwife and focused on mine and other's animals. This was great, but I soon found myself taking on more and more voluntary ‘work’ as well as running my holistic business. Once again it was Dakota who let me know that I needed to take more care of myself. Now if her pain or itchy ears flare up, I know it is her telling me to look at what I am doing. Of course, I still feel guilty and I still struggle with self-care, but I’m a work in progress.

But, here’s a major point
Animals don’t struggle with this. They rest when they’re tired. They seek comfort when they’re in pain. They soak up sunshine without guilt. They do what’s natural — while we do what’s been conditioned.

If we could unlearn that conditioning and relearn from our animals, self-care might start to feel less like a battle and more like a birthright.

After living with rib pain for over 20 years, I know how easy it is to fall into the habit of managing, coping, enduring, but not truly caring for myself. And yet, every time I make even a small step toward tending to my own needs, I see the difference it makes for me and for my animals.

This isn’t about wallowing in self-pity or seeking sympathy. It’s about awareness. Just as we raise awareness for the silent suffering of animals, we can shine a light on the silent suffering of humans, too. Because both matter. Both deserve compassion. And both are part of the same circle of care.

So this September, maybe awareness can mean pausing for a breath. Offering yourself kindness. Admitting what hurts without judgement. Because the more we honour our own needs, the more present, balanced, and loving we can be for the animals who depend on us, and for ourselves.

I often say how this week will be the week that I actually achieve this, well this blog is going to make me accountable to those promises. Because, our animals don’t need a ‘perfect you’. They need a cared-for you.